Dealing With Disappointment

Have you ever gotten your hopes up only to have your dreams crushed? Ok, that's probably a little melodramatic, but we've all dealt with disappointment. From the rejection of a middle school relationship to losing out on the promotion, disappointments have the potential to crush us. How do we handle disappointment?

Some people handle disappointment by lashing out. They attack the source of their disappointment. They belittle the person who was chosen instead of them. They handle their pain by creating pain for someone else. The old saying is true. Hurting people hurt people. 

Some people handle disappointment by withdrawing. They give up. Instead of trying to do better the next time, they never try again. 

Some people use disappointment as motivation. Athletes use losses to fuel their success. Business leaders turn their passed over promotion to a drive to prove others wrong. Good leaders use disappointment as an opportunity to grow in their professional and people skills. 

Godly people trust God through their disappointment. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT) wisely states, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." God has a plan and a purpose for your life. While you may feel disappointed, trust God that he has a better plan for your life. His understanding is better than our understanding. Seek him for your next steps and he will show you the path to take. 

How do you handle disappointment?

The Art of Accountability

"Will you hold me accountable?" I've heard that question too many times to count and asked it a few times myself. There is value in accountability. From helping to shed a few pounds to overcoming a sinful addiction, accountability can be the little thing that makes a big difference to your success.

There is an art to accountability. I've had some great relationships for accountability and others that were a waste of time. Through the successes and failures, there are lessons I've learned to have better accountable relationships.

1. "Accountability is giving necessary information before it is required." This statement is attributed to Alton Garrison, the Assistant General Superintendent for the Assemblies of God. One of my former pastors would quote this to the leaders at our church. In an accountable relationship, it is not the job of the person holding you accountable to chase you down to find out what is going on. True accountability is giving necessary information before it is required. If someone asks me to hold them accountable, they should be open enough to tell me how things are going.

2. Transparency, Trust and Honesty are important in accountable relationships. Accountable relationships are built on trust. If one doesn't tell the truth to their accountability partner, they destroy the relationship. If someone is holding me accountable for my health and I give them a false report, I'm hurting myself and our relationship. Be truthful. It is important to note that confidentiality is imperative for trust to be maintained in the accountable relationship.

3. Agree on the parameters of the relationship at the beginning of the relationship. By agreeing on parameters beforehand, it prevents unrealistic expectations on the person holding you accountable. As a person holding someone accountable, we may base our methods on how a mentor held us accountable. That may or may not work with the person you are holding accountable. To avoid confusion and hurt feelings, set parameters for the relationship ahead of time. Parameters for accountability should include, but are not limited to how long will the relationship last, questions to be asked, frequency of the accountability, topics to be covered and things that are off limits.

What are some lessons you've learned to have better accountable relationships?

Do You Know What Your Kids Are Watching?

It has been said that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. What we watch, particularly on Television
and in Movies, can have a profound impact on our worldview. As adults, our worldview more than likely has been solidified for some time. However, Children and Teenagers are more impressionable. What they see and hear shapes their worldview.

Romans 16:19 (NLT) profoundly states, "But everyone knows that you are obedient to the Lord. This makes me very happy. I want you to be wise in doing right and to stay innocent of any wrong." Donald Stamps, missionary and author of the study notes for the Fire Bible, rightly instructs believers in his commentary on this verse. He writes, "Believers should do all in their power to keep their children from being exposed to sin's deceitfulness and the perverseness of this generation. To refuse to protect our children disregards the Holy Spirit's desire that they be innocent about what is evil." It is a parent's job to train their child in a way that will help them stay innocent of evil.

Do you know what your kids are watching? Through iPads, Television, Video Games, Netflix and Theaters, our children have access to all sorts of corrupt and vile things that have the potential to impact their lives in a negative manner.

So, how do we keep our kids "innocent of any wrong" in the digital age? Let me give you a quick guide to helping your children pick the right things to watch or play.

1. Use the Rating Systems - There are rating systems for movies, television and video games. All advertising should properly display the ratings so you will know ahead of time what rating the movie, show or game your child wants to see or play has. To learn more about movie ratings, go to The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA). For Television ratings, go to The TV Parental Guidelines. The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) has created a rating system for video games.

2. Read Reviews - While the ratings systems give a good initial barometer, they are not entirely reliable when it comes to spiritual matters. Before Sasha and I decide to take our kids to a movie, we typically visit a review site that will tell us about the content of the movie. My favorite website to get reviews is Plugged In by Focus on the Family. They provide a great breakdown of the movies that give parent's a clear guide to what they will see in the movie. In addition to their movie reviews, they also have reviews for TV, Books and Games. Crosswalk.com and the Movieguide are two other great resources.

3. Screen It - If you still have some questions or there is no review, screen the movie or television show ahead of time. When our girls want to watch a new show on television, we will screen it before allowing them to watch it.

4. Set Parental Controls - Parental Controls can prevent kids from watching a show or movie over a certain rating. Dish Network, DirecTV and Netflix have parental controls and web pages about how to use them. We utilize the parental controls on Netflix. In order to watch above a certain rating, you need a password. In our house, only my wife and I know that password.

5. Be Ok With Saying No - There have been times we've had to say "No, that show/movie is not appropriate." There was one show we deemed appropriate only to have an episode come on later that advocated for something against our Biblical beliefs. We had to tell our girls they couldn't watch it anymore. We explained the content of the show had shifted and was against our Biblical beliefs. They understood. It is important to be ok with saying no even if your child is not happy about it. Even if "everybody else is watching it," stay strong. It is our responsibility to train our kids regardless of what everyone else is watching.

Tips For Being a Better Loser

Late Sunday Night, Sportsmanship or the lack their of took center stage moments after time expired on Super Bowl 50. On the podium outside was the Sheriff, Peyton Manning, clutching the Vince Lombardi Trophy. Inside the confines of Levi's Stadium was a dejected NFL MVP, Cam Newton. Cam sat in front of a group of media personnel asking him how he felt to lose. In that moment, he didn't feel like responding. His hoodie covering his head hung in shame and misery, Newton gave abbreviated answers to reporters' questions before abruptly ending his media responsibility. In the last 36 hours, Sports columnists, radio hosts, former players and coaches have weighed in on the perceived lack of Sportsmanship displayed by Cam Newton.

I don't mind Cam's flamboyant personality. His celebrations don't bother me. I think it is awesome he gives the ball to a kid in the stands after he scores. Cam's highs are really high. However, his lows are really low. I've never seen a personality profile on Cam Newton, but I would suggest his behavior shows he is a classic Sanguine personality.

Newton defended his actions today saying, "I've been on record to say I'm a sore loser. Who likes to lose? You show me a good loser and I'm going to show you a loser. It's not a popularity contest. I'm here to win football games.'' This is where I disagree with Cam. To quote Mike Greenberg of Mike and Mike fame, "Being gracious in defeat does not make one a loser." 

I'm like Cam. I hate to lose. If we're playing Monopoly, I will take your railroads and make you like it. My sister once gave me the nickname, Donald Trump, because of my ruthless skills while playing Monopoly. My wife doesn't like to play board games with me because losing is not in my DNA. I will win at all costs. Over the years, the drive for success has worked well for me in some areas of my life, but it also has been a detriment in others. Like my perceived notion of Cam, I am a Sanguine personality. My highs are really high, but my lows are also incredible low. In those moments of failure, I want to put my hoodie on and walk away from the media too. So, how does one lose and be gracious? 

1. Congratulate the Winner. - Cam did great at this. I loved seeing him walk over the Peyton and congratulate him. It was a cool moment. 

2. If you're going to Dish it out, be man enough to take it. - Basically, if you're willing to "dab" for your victories, don't lose your mind when someone "dabs" for your failures. 

3. Don't say anything you'll regret! Mama always said "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." 

4. Understand the strengths and weaknesses of your Personality! A great resource for this is a book by Florence Littauer called Personality Plus. 

5. Handle your frustration privately before you have to face the public. Take time to pray, reflect and get your mind right before facing the public. Your occupation may not give you much time to do this. However, take the time you can so you can come across as gracious rather than immature. 

What other tips would you give for being a better loser?

Rules for Navigating the Craziness of Election Season

Election Season is upon us. Last night, I sat glued to the returns on Television to see which candidate a group of farmers from the Midwest would choose. I watched as the pundits and so called experts explained the breakdown of precincts and counties with the authority of Jon Gruden describing a Spider 2 Y Banana play. On my left was my iPhone consistently buzzing with the latest commentary from a group of friends. It was a blast. Election Nights are by far my favorite nights to watch News channels. 

Elections can bring out the craziness in people. A friend on Instagram pointed out the crazy sticker guy standing behind Hillary Clinton while she gave her speech. He had "Vote for Hillary" stickers all over his face. There was the person who forgot they were live on MSNBC and used profanity. Craziness is not reserved for people acting like they are at a sporting event, instead of a political rally. Unfortunately, we see craziness during election season in conversations, social media and even the church. People lose relationships over their political policies because they don't know how to disagree without being disagreeable. 

So, I want to lay out some rules....call them guidelines if you will....for navigating the craziness of election season.

1. Be a follower of Christ before you are a Republican or Democrat - Our views will be split. Last night, I saw a poll where four different candidates all got a large percentage of the Evangelical vote. The poll proves we are not all going to agree. It is important we remember we are followers of Christ before our affiliation with a particular candidate or political party. Therefore, we should conduct ourselves as followers of Christ in the way we act and speak.

2. Do your own Research. At times, we allow the media or others who appear more knowledgeable on a subject to dictate who we should vote for. It is important we do our own research. Feel free to listen or read the pundits, but go straight to the source. Watch the candidates debate, listen to their speeches, read their views on a variety of important issues on their campaign websites. Read what people you agree with and disagree with are saying. It is important to engage the process. However, if I can give a word of caution, engage the process without becoming a Know it all. Also, do research on local candidates as well as state and national candidates.

3. Post or Repeat only what you KNOW is true. In the internet age, we can see an article and believe it to be true. However, go research it. A website like snopes.com is helpful to see if the article someone just sent you is real or fake. Just because someone you trust posts it on social media doesn't make it true. We should always find the source of the story. We should read or listen to the original speech a quote or story came from to understand the context of it.

4. Find the Right Forum for Expressing Your Views. This is so important. A family birthday party is probably not the right time or forum to have an intense political discussion with a distant relative. While Social Media can be helpful during the election season, it is not the best place to engage in political conversation. You can't read body language or discern someone's tone in their written text. We don't always have to share our views when we disagree. If you feel you need to respond though, find the right forum and the right time. 

5. Pray - Pray for all the Candidates, not just the one you plan to vote for. Pray for those in both political parties. Ask God to give them wisdom and health. Pray for their families. My heart goes out to the kids on the stage. I know they have to be tired and it is tough consistently being in the spotlight. Pray for them. Ask God to give you wisdom on who to vote for. Pray about conversations that you may have with others about the process. Pray about the issues. As a nation, the most important thing we can do during this election season is to pray.

6. Vote - I believe every eligible voter should get out and vote. It is a privilege we shouldn't take for granted. So, whether you are going to vote for my candidate of choice or not, please exercise your right to vote. 

Are there other guidelines you would add to this list?

What are you reading?

One of the goals I set for 2015 was to read 36 books beside the Bible. These books were non-fiction books to help me grow as a leader in my family and church.

I have reviewed a few of the books in previous posts, but here are the books I've read in 2015. This is in the order that I completed the book and the rating I gave each book. (1-5 stars)

1. The Furious Longing of God by Brennan Manning - 4 Stars
2. Amazing Faith by Wilfredo de Jesus - 3 Stars
3. Attitudes that Attract Success by Wayne Cordeiro - 4 Stars
4. Live | Dead: The Journey by Missionaries who love the Arab World - 3 Stars
5. The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller - 4 Stars
6. The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer - 4 Stars
7. Be the Dad She Needs You to Be by Dr. Kevin Leman - 5 Stars
8. The 5 Levels of Leadership by John C. Maxwell - 4 Stars
9. Static Jedi by Eric Sameul Timm - 4 Stars
10. Transforming Church in Rural America by Shannon O'Dell - 4 Stars
11. In the Name of Jesus by Henri J.M. Nouwen - 3 Stars
12. Date Your Wife by Justin Buzzard - 4 Stars
13. Talk Now and Later by Brian Dollar - 5 Stars
14. Thrill Sequence by Rob Ketterling - 3 Stars
15. When Work and Family Collide by Andy Stanley - 3 Stars
16. 9 Disciplines of Enduring Leadership by Kent Ingle - 4 Stars
17. Clear the Stage by Scott Wilson and John Bates - 5 Stars
18. Leading on Empty by Wayne Cordeiro - 4 Stars
19. Transitions by William Bridges - 3 Stars
20. Extravagant by Bryan Jarrett - 5 Stars
21. Managing Transitions by William Bridges - 4 Stars
22. Activate by Nelson Searcy - 4 Stars
23. Not Your Parents' Offering Plate by J. Clif Christopher - 4 Stars
24. All In by Mark Batterson - 5 Stars
25. The Making of a Leader by J. Robert Clinton - 3 Stars
26. A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards - 5 Stars
27. A Spirit-Empowered Church by Alton Garrison - 5 Stars
28. But God by Herbert Cooper - 5 Stars
29. Nudge by Leonard Sweet - 3 Stars
30. Leadership Pain by Sam Chand - 5 Stars
31. Addicted to Busy by Brady Boyd - 4 Stars
32. Humility by Andrew Murray - 4 Stars
33. Non-Stop by Nathan Rouse - 3 Stars
34. The Bush Always Burns by Heath Adamson - 4 Stars
35. Speak Like Churchill, Stand Like Lincoln by James C. Humes - 4 Stars
36. Live-Dead Joy by Dick Brogden - 4 Stars

My goal for 2016 is to read 45 books and include some fiction books this year as well as a biography or two. If you want to follow along with what I read, follow me on Goodreads.com

Can "Joy to the World" be a Reality?

Whether you like the Traditional version or a modern version, "Joy to the World" is a classic Christmas carol. Is it a reality? Can we really experience Joy in this world?

The answer is Yes! Many equate joy with happiness. My friend, Scott Wilson, used to say "happiness is based on happenings." When good things happen to us, we are happy. When bad things happen, we are unhappy. We can go from zero to happy in one second. We can also go from happy to unhappy in a second as well. Joy is different. Rick Warren defines joy as “the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” (From http://rickwarren.org/devotional/english/the-definition-of-joy)

No matter what we are going through, we can have that confident assurance that God is in control of the details of our lives. That's why I believe James challenged us to conisder it an opportunity for joy when we go through trials. There is a purpose in your pain. God is using that to shape you into the man or woman of God He desires you to be.

James 1:2-4 (NLT) "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

Joy is also one of the fruit of the Spirit. As God fills you with His Holy Spirit, you are filled with joy that comes from God. That joy can be your strength when you are going through tough times. This Christmas Season as you sing Joy to the World, know you can have that Joy that comes from God.